Annoying

Annoying.. this word is really stuck in my head right now..
why is everybody so annoying nowadays.
starting from their behavior, they way they talk, until the words that they use..
i just feel like slapping those bunch of people and tell them, " Hey..watch ur fucking self..!! u r God Damn Annoying..ceh..!!"

Maybe if i really let it out like couple hours or days ago, those sentence will come out spontaneously. and it will cause me of losing friends and bla bla bla...
thank's God i have blog..i can just let it out what i feel by putting it into words.

Dreams

Dreams!
desire to live and stay in Europe,
want to learn French,
want to master Mandarin in writing and talking,
want to master how to sing properly,
want to learn about fashion, like designing clothes,
want to open up a boutique,
want to continue my study furthermore,
want to have some houses in some countries,
want to bring my parents and brothers have trips together,
want to keep in touch with friends,
want to be alone for sometimes,
want to shop but never drop.. =P
etc..

those dreams and desire that lead and keep me enjoy my life..
it feels wonderful when i have my dreams and desire to do those things..
it will feel even more wonderful and excellent if those dreams and desire can be achieved.. =))

My New Hair... =))

At first,
I feel so weird about my new hair style.
I guess, maybe i don't use to it.. =P
But now, i am kind of used to it...hehehhe

I took some pictures with friends...=D

just something in my mind

Life is just the way we look at it.
sometimes it does not go as what I wanted.
But i have to be flexible and accept what is happening and keep moving on.
But the most important in life is when I have all of my precious family and friends around me.
they will always be the one that will affect on how my life is going.

However, I need to aim my life.
I need to know what should I do, at least for now or short term in the future.

Some people, they just will not understand my lifestyle until they have done it by themselves.
It is kind of hard for me to understand and appreciate them or be myself while they are around and when they are not even appreciate the way I am.
Learn from my PCD (Personal Creativity and Development) class today, People like that called as Judge type, because they just see from outside without knowing what is actually happening.

But, I do not want my family become the victim because of my action and because of those kind of judge type of people.

I was thinking to change the way I live my life right now. But I have decided to remain the same and make them to accept what I am. the real me. I cannot change me because of people that I barely know and they did not even see what is happening with their bare eyes.

Until they have seen and felt it for real and tell me what is wrong from it, then i will consider what they have judge. =))

incident 2 nights before SIM exam

To: Mahe, Tom, nella, danny, wiri, jensen, dyana, steward, devy, and other friends that might have hurt because of my Rudeness the other night..

First, i would have to apologize to u all..
i was so rude..
i was really cold to all of u these few days..

Hope there is still a lil forgiveness from all of u...
don't know if u guys still want to hear from me..

but, the story start from the night i was studying in living room at my apartment at arena green..
i was writing a lot of things for preparation for my exam in 2 days..
i was kind of stressed out..
i had a lot of things to think about..
not just about my study..
also friends and family..
in addition..i was doing the writing thing and also listening to music using headphone..
alsooo..i was sing" songs...but not those kind of singing, because i was writing notes...
so it's like singing one sentence then stop, then sing another sentence then stop...
but my ear get hurts..coz I was using the headphone for so long...

Then, i use the speaker to listen to the songs..
coz it helps me to reduce the stress..
for more information, i didn't play all those R&B songs..
i was playing very soft songs...with very LOW volume, even it's not that low..i still can hear the song, at least..
the reason is because i know all the housemate n roommate haven't sleep yet..

then...i was just play like 2 songs or 3 songs..
one of my housemate come to me n said "Can u Not to play the song and Not to sing, i want to sleep.."

ok...!! now...!! one thing that really bothering me...
and when it hit me..it's really pissed me off..
if, somebody come to u, n TELL u NOT to do THIS n THAT, what will u feel...!!!
shouldn't u say "could please turn down the volume and sing softer..coz i want to sleep" or give some reason "i hv class early morning tomorrow" or whatever excuse to say...??

It's not like i am the kind that NO HEART n won't listen to people and being stubborn..
even I am the stubborn type, i will still consider what people say...
but never ever dictate me..everr..!!

i won't even consider those kind of people feeling...

some more..Singing n Listen to songs are activities that i cannot leave...
it's like "I cannot live without it!!" those are part of me..
so that was really OFFENDED me!!

and..this is not the only reason i was Explode that night..!!

the night before.. i was also listen to songs..
then suddenly he was come out from his room n asking me not to listen to songs at all...
and i really didn't know that my song with that very low volume was actually can be heard to his room..
so i asked.."oow..really? i really didn't know that.."
n he's replied...=.= " it really pissed me off..
"If u don't believe, u COME in here n hear urself!!" he said it with very rude tone...
I was like, "WTF with this guy!!!"
I didn't even say a thing...!!

so..that's all story from my side...

if, like Jensen mention about those pride thing, i don't bother to talk to him..
if i really have to talk to him, i will just talk directly to the person without asking somebody else's help to deliver msg..
arrgghh..it's so childish..

i admitted, i have done so wrong to the rest of u all that actually didn't involved in the "war" because of this incident..
i don't mind if u guys still can't forgive me for that, coz i know i'm wrong..
i won't give any excuses...if u guys want me to talk directly, i will do that for sure..
Mahe&Tom...sorry yaa...i really didn't mean it..
also jensen, wiri, dyana, nella, danny, steward, devy, and others friends that might have feel offended because of my rudeness lately and cold.. I'm so sorry...

Thank you guys for still care..

Based on Current Situation

Friends..
I thought, they are supposed to be the one that listen to you,
when you are in trouble...
try to understand what is going on..
but i guess, not all friends will listen to you first..
then Judge who's right...
especially, when they have different thought, different hobbies, different activities, different interests..
guess, they won't ask you directly, But Judge you behind your back...

I am wondering...
is there any true friends that can share each other when you are happy,
ALSO when you are in trouble, even you have A LOT different things...

How could people don't ask what is going on after sometimes..
time to heal the irritation is needed...

It's quiet true when angry, we should try to get hold of ourselves..
But I think, it's ok right to let it out..
then u forget about it..
why can't I let it out..
should I feel hurt by myself???
It is so not fair I can't express what I feel at the moment...
It's also not fair of you all jugding me like that..

and If, you all think that I'm wrong..
then, don't pretend to be SOOOO GOOD in front of me..
IT'S IRRITATING..!!!

Very KIND of you...
Thank's for being my friends...

WTF!!!

WTF!!!
it's my Favorite nowadays...
Damnn....!!!
why the silence is so LOUD...!!!
can't help it...
people cannot talk in the house...
people cannot sing...
people cannot listen to music...
everything is just so weird here....
don't know how long i can hold this...
don't know how many times i can endure this kind of situation...
i think i almost explode...
just don't ask...!!!!
i Warn u...!!!
don't even care about it anymore...!!!!
Shit!!...
Fuck OFF!!
do that...!!
that's all